I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize