piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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