I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
