Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
