fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
