he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize