Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
