So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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