Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
