Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
