Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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