So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need moral support for this bender
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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