i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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