I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize