hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
