Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
