How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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