Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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