she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
