Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
