dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
