he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
