I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize