I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Help. Why am I so naked?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
