I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
