I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
