I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
