i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
