Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize