I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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