You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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