I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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