she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
