How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
