Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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