just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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