Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize