Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I smell stomach acid.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
