Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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