i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
