Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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