im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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