Your dad touched me again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize