shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
