every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
