mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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