foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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