There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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