It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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