Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize