I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm really busy with my period
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