just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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