Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
