Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
