just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
