when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
