More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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