If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
