Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
