I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
