Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
