I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
