I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
