and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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