I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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