Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
