Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
