dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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