Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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