i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
