and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
