where am i from again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
