Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
how does that bad decision feel?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
