Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
