Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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