I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
