she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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