Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
