If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No stitches, just platelets and will power
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
