I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize