For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Enjoy the penises
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
