saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
from now on my penis is your penis
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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