I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry about my life...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
