you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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