Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
