Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize