He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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