Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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