nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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