i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
