so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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