That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
