I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
