she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
