life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
