she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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