I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
