TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
