My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
