she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
