did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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