I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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