Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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