I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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