I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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