Someone shit on the floor
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
