I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
