i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
