You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Houston, we have a squirter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize