happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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