Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize