Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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