dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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