yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
