Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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