Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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