capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
