I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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