Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
