3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
