Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
