so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize