So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
