And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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