return my video game
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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