tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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