After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
